


Fast food and slow progress

by HelveticaBrown



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 03:12:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7025776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelveticaBrown/pseuds/HelveticaBrown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma wonders when Ms Kale Salad became such a junk food connoisseur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fast food and slow progress

**Author's Note:**

> Posted this to tumblr a few days ago and I was in two minds about posting it here, because it's pretty rough and I don't really have the time or energy to pretty it up. But I haven't written any SQ in a couple of months and I'm not going to have a chance to for a few more weeks until exams are done, so I figured I might as well.

* * *

There’s been silence between them the last twenty minutes or so. Emma’s been focusing on the road and Regina… well Emma’s not sure what she’s thinking about. Every time she glances over, Regina’s deep in thought, an impenetrable wall of brooding, and a thousand lines of potential conversation have been stillborn on her lips.

Out of the blue, Regina finally speaks and it’s not at all what Emma’s expecting. “There’s a restaurant near here.” She pauses for a moment before continuing. “Hardee’s I think it’s called.”

Emma makes a non-committal noise as she concentrates on passing a logging truck. When she’s safely past she says, “I didn’t think they had them in the north-east. Went to one a couple of times back when I was a kid with one of the families I lived with.” She doesn’t share the rest of the story, about how she’d been dared to eat two burgers by one of the older kids and how she’d puked all over the backseat of the car on the way home and how that had been the last strike in a line of offences and she’d been shipped out a couple of days later. She’s never been particularly keen on Hardee’s since then.

“There’s definitely one nearby. I can’t quite remember where.”

Emma kind of wants to ask when Ms Kale Salad became such a connoisseur of junk food, but she doesn’t. The edge of a memory tickles her consciousness and she wracks her brains for a few moments before she finally remembers driving past a Hardee’s a few years ago while tracking a skip. “Wait, you’re right. There is one, but it’s kind of off our route. Did you wanna stop there for lunch?”

“No, it’s alright. Just making conversation.”

When she glances across at Regina again there’s an odd look on her face and Emma’s not quite sure what to make of it. They pass a sign, barely visible between the trees on the side of the highway and Emma makes a split-second decision and wrenches the wheel around, taking the exit at speed. She struggles for a moment to keep the car on the road and tries to tune out the sound of Regina yelling at her.

“Emma! What are you doing? Have you gone insane?”

When she’s finally got the car back under control, she shrugs and says, “Low blood sugar. There was nothing ahead of us for a while on that route so I figured a brief detour was better than me passing out at the wheel and crashing.” It’s a lie. Breakfast is still an uncomfortable lump in her stomach and she couldn’t possibly be more wide awake but for some reason her instincts were telling her it was important to take the detour.

“I suppose you’re right,” Regina says, her voice sounding a little strangled. “I’d rather not be caught dead in this hideous yellow rust-bucket, even if you did just do your best to make that a reality. Let’s do something about getting you some food.”

Emma can sense the glare being directed at her and she turns for a moment and her suspicions are confirmed. She sees Regina’s white-knuckled grip still on the Jesus handle and the corner of her mouth tips up in a smile. “Sorry.”

They get to Hardee’s a little while later and Emma decides it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. She pulls into the parking lot and she’s pretty much dancing on the spot by the time she makes it out of the car.

“Can you just get me a cheeseburger or something. I’m going to use the bathroom.” She takes off at a run.

When she gets out of the bathroom, Regina’s standing near a booth by the window, running her finger along the backrest of the bench, a strange, wistful smile on her face. Emma pauses for a moment and just watches her; she’s caught a moment later when their order is called and Regina looks up and catches her eye.

They head back to the car and as they’re about to pull out of the lot, Regina speaks. “I stopped here once before, a little over twelve years ago and…” Regina trails off and Emma thinks about saying something, but she decides not to because it feels like Regina’s on the verge of revealing something important.

It’s a while before Regina finally speaks again. “I was on my way to Boston to pick Henry up from the adoption agency and I stopped at Hardee’s and almost turned around and went back to Storybrooke empty-handed. I’d spent so long focused on my desire for a child and then with every mile closer to Boston I got, I doubted. Doubted that I had the ability to love him the way he would deserve, doubted that anyone could possibly love me, as ugly and twisted as I was. I sat there for a couple of hours and went through all the reasons why I should just turn around.”  

“But you didn’t…”

“No. I didn’t and I can’t even say what finally persuaded me to keep going. But I stopped there the day I met the love of my life, the day my fate finally took a turn for the better and…”

Emma changes gears and then she reaches over and covers Regina’s hand with her own for a moment before returning it to the wheel.

“I’m glad you didn’t turn around.” She hesitates for a moment, but in the spirit of confession that’s suddenly in the air she gives voice to a thought that’s been simmering away for a while now.

“Sometimes I resent you a little, you know. You remember how you gave me those memories of the life Henry and I never had? It was like all the dreams I’d had about what it would have been like if I hadn’t given him up suddenly became real to me and… and then they weren’t again, but there are traces of them still there. Sometimes I get a flash of a birthday party, or the first pair of sneakers I bought him or watching him score his first goal on the soccer field. And then I remember that none of it’s real – I didn’t even hold him after he was born, couldn’t even look at him because if I did I knew I’d never let him go.”

There’s a stricken look on Regina’s face and she opens her mouth before closing it again without responding to Emma’s revelation and Emma feels like an asshole, because she knows how much Regina sacrificed that moment on the town line and she probably doesn’t have any right to feel these things, but sometimes she does. 

“I _did_ let him go, though and I gave him his best chance. But I can’t help thinking sometimes about all the ways my life could have been different. If I hadn’t given Henry up, or if you hadn’t cast the curse, or if my mother had come through in the wardrobe with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Regina says, and when Emma looks over her eyes are wet with unshed tears. “I’m sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry for everything I took from you.”

It’s not the first time Regina’s apologised and Emma suspects it won’t be the last, even though she knows it costs her dearly every time. The truth is, she’s long since forgiven her. “The thing is though, all the shit was worth it because at the end of the day, I got Henry out of it and so did you. And because of that, the world gets to see this version of you, the person you were always meant to be; strong and good, a hero, a great mother…”

There’s more she wants to say, but she’s not quite sure she’s ready, so she’s relieved when Regina interrupts and says, “How was your burger?”

Emma shrugs. “Okay, I guess. Honestly, I wasn’t really hungry. How was yours?”

“Somehow, it wasn’t quite what I remembered. But thank you for stopping there.”

“No problem.” She reaches over again and takes Regina’s hand and neither of them makes a move to pull away this time.

It seems like there’s never enough time to say all the things they need to say as they lurch from one crisis to the next. But there are miles of road ahead of them and maybe there’s just enough time to make a start.


End file.
